You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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