tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
