Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
