Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
someone owes me an orgasm
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
