Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
