This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
