god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
