i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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