As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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