you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
this will be a night to untag.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
