oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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