I must be too annoying 4 u.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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