if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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