take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
