I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
