the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
