if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
