hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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