Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
