Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
