he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
