Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
