The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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