Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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