Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
