How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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