I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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