Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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