u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You're like the curious george of whores
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
