Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
