Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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