There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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