I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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