Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
