I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
