at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
