then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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