You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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