My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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