I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
