did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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