i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
