shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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