Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
