I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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