Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
