Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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