so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
