Your mouth is God's brothel.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
