My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
